Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Literature / Hobbyist Official Beta Tester Charles Kerr28/Male/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 8 Years
84 Month Core Membership
Statistics 166 Deviations 28,590 Comments 66,967 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Random Favourites

Commissions

Transient
Sammy D's Accommodations

Shoutbox

Scarlet-FitzM:iconscarlet-fitzm:
Thank you for the fav! :)
Mon Jul 20, 2015, 11:41 AM
TimeToFace
thsnks :heart:
Sun Aug 10, 2014, 11:52 PM
Vermilionhue:iconvermilionhue:
Thank you for the watch :)
Sun Apr 20, 2014, 6:42 PM
XlaughingXbuddhaX:iconxlaughingxbuddhax:
Thanks for the watch :hug:
Sat Dec 21, 2013, 3:50 AM
DogmaticKerr:icondogmatickerr:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3JzcC…
Tue Dec 3, 2013, 8:47 AM
DogmaticKerr:icondogmatickerr:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBVJuA…
Tue Oct 29, 2013, 12:12 PM
XlaughingXbuddhaX:iconxlaughingxbuddhax:
Thanks a lot!
Sat Sep 28, 2013, 1:02 AM
Vermilionhue:iconvermilionhue:
Thank you for the favorite :)
Thu Sep 26, 2013, 6:23 PM
DogmaticKerr:icondogmatickerr:
:wave:
Sun Sep 1, 2013, 10:35 PM
virnagray:iconvirnagray:
Thanks for adding my pic. :)
Sun Sep 1, 2013, 9:41 AM
Nobody

Polls

There are currently no active polls.

Press the +deviantWATCH button on this page to get notified about new polls!

Visitors

:iconchrisvs:
chrisvs
Sep 2, 2015
11:55 am
:iconhelmitaivas:
helmitaivas
Aug 31, 2015
10:22 am
:iconzuzuturkova:
ZuzuTurkova
Aug 31, 2015
10:01 am
:iconwaywardgal:
waywardgal
Aug 29, 2015
7:17 pm
:iconchiandra4u:
ChIandra4U
Aug 25, 2015
3:21 pm

Activity


Cadence by DogmaticKerr
Cadence
This falls flat - it wasn't what I intended to write, what I had envisioned when the initial inspiration hit me, but it was the end result and I need sleep. I think one of the reasons it falls flat, perhaps the principle reason, is how loaded it is and how much it reaches - this is, of course, not something anyone else will be able to appreciate but it struck me on reflection.
It touches on some deeply serious things for me with its simple language and just keep reaching for these far-flung, personal references that mean everything to me and nothing to absolutely anyone else. The brief mention of images & ideas from my childhood - that's a vague-yet-specific reference to the place where I think I started to develop a lot of important ideas not just creatively and expressively but as a human being, a decent person - in books. I was always a little puzzled at how I turned out the way I did when I was never really given much in the way of guidance by my parents or siblings - and certainly not my peers - and I think the only reasonable assertion, aside from nature, is nurturing at the hands of books - particularly in the realm of fantasy and science fiction. I would read these stories - these beautiful and horrible stories - and I would take it in, identify and build upon it. Principles, morality, empathy... love.

The crux.
Love.

And that is what this is really about - references aside - it's about love and this creeping suspicion of mine that I really don't know what it is, personally, as I have extremely limited references in my life, none of which I think even begin to qualify as 'real' and that's where the reality clashes with the fantasy, the dreaming. I read all these books, I watched all these movies, I developed idealistic and romantic ideals about love and nothing has yet delivered and it is this ideal, this idea, that stays inside of me and keeps my heart beating while reality continues to fail it and abuse it.

I'm 28 and I may know nothing real of love. I may have no idea. All things considered, my past particularly, I really had to admit the possibility... and I really hate.

Really.

And it costs me in so many little ways and a lot of big ways, every day, and I'm starting to feel it... wearing me. I think I'm slipping.
Loading...
Ruins by DogmaticKerr
Ruins
I'm always at war with myself inside - always. It's what keeps me up and what wakes me up, it's what occupies my mind when I am up and about and what does not leave me alone when I am at rest. This 'trying' wears me out and every day I understand, less and less, the 'why' of the matter. I'm beginning to suspect that this effort of mine, in trying to connect and reach out and belong to something beautiful is little more than a... habit, at this point. A forever-receding echo of something I had once that I have tried, wholeheartedly, to find again to absolutely no avail. I try and I try and I try and I hit wall after wall after wall and I always end up poorer for it, worse off and ultimately with just a bit more doubt lingering than before. I want to give up but I don't know how to - there's something in my nature that fights, tooth and nail, against the lessons being heaped upon me by person after person. I-do-not-be-long. The horrible thing is that I know, I know better, but I... try anyway, which is so unlike me - it is so unlike me to toss aside important, relevant and reasonable considerations and give in to this... selfishness.

I want.
I try.
I fail.
Rinse, repeat, remember.

I'm more than a little disappointed in myself that I refuse to take it to heart but even more than that, I'm actually quite angry at myself for allowing these things to get to the point where they are... habitual, automatic, they sneak in and past me as a reflex, a response, something that I am not actively and acutely aware of and... that sickens me. That's not me, that's not what I do. I think - I act. There is a process, a flow, that is more than reflexive and it means so much more because of that and I am...

losing it.

I'm off-balance and it's killing me.
Loading...
Ritual (Day's End) by DogmaticKerr
Ritual (Day's End)
Normally, I'm not one to do this sort of thing - to tell myself something I already know, out loud, but I tried it. I already know that many of the things I've been through in my life were... facades, that I was really not engaged in something real, worthwhile or reciprocated. I figured out on my own, later... and I knew. I know.
But it doesn't seem to have quite sunk in to the level that I need it to, which is odd for something I've known for so long... why wouldn't it? So, one night I decided to try... telling... myself. It had an unexpected effect - as I kept repeating it to myself, distinct notions, images and memories sprang to mind and I knew precisely what I was speaking about, out loud. With every "It wasn't real" it hit a little harder and dug a little deeper... and I cried.

A lot.
So now I do it every night, when I'm falling asleep, I remind myself that none of it was real and I think it's helping.
Loading...

Struggle

Journal Entry: Fri Jul 31, 2015, 6:47 PM
Because people don't make love to Angels...
They merely use them to feel more complete.


I think that my instincts are always better than I give them credit for or, at least, than I want to believe. When I was younger, I had never really experienced love, attention or affection - or at least, I had never experienced at-least the ghost of such things - so it was easier to go through life, knowing what I knew and believing what I believed and not forgetting my place. Constantly trying to be something I am not, something I could never be - loved - and this impossibility haunts me now. I feel insane, never learning the lesson I've been taught over and over again, not taking back to-heart what I knew 5 years ago. I can't seem to shake these notions, to get these things out of my head and my heart and it is slowly killing me, I suspect. If I could just go back... and never start thinking there was a chance... if I could just go back.
I'm not used to regret - not of this sort - usually I make a point of carrying myself in such a way that it doesn't happen - that I do not come to regret what I have done but this...
What gets me the most is that what i thought I had found was never real but, regardless, it haunts me and it makes me want.



There is beauty in the world
If you seek it out
There is joyous wonder in the world
Let's seek it out
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWGVRx…


Metal Gear Solid: G. Sviridov & Tappi Iwase, Rika Muranaka ~Aoife Ni Fhearraigh
The Best is Yet to Come ~Gaelic</u>

Do you remember love
The heartbreak of love?
Nothing now but music of the night
I am forever in love

A lover with a fault
A lover with a fault

Allow it and you will have it
Allow it and love will be

Do you remember the time
When you were satisfied?
Do you remember the time
When you were laughing?

The world is wonderful
if you believe in it
Turn your face towards life
and constant happiness in our midst

What happened to those days?
What happened to those nights?
Do you remember the time
When you were sorrowful?

Do you remember the time
Forever crying tears?
Was it me or you at fault?

Feeling used and lost
Why the fighting and
crying of tears?

There is beauty in the world
If you seek it out
There is joyous wonder in the world
Let's seek it out
  • Mood: Adoration
  • Listening to: Angels
  • Reading: Minds
  • Watching: Dreams
  • Playing: Complexities
  • Eating: Thought
  • Drinking: Wisdom

Struggle

Journal Entry: Fri Jul 31, 2015, 6:47 PM
Because people don't make love to Angels...
They merely use them to feel more complete.


I think that my instincts are always better than I give them credit for or, at least, than I want to believe. When I was younger, I had never really experienced love, attention or affection - or at least, I had never experienced at-least the ghost of such things - so it was easier to go through life, knowing what I knew and believing what I believed and not forgetting my place. Constantly trying to be something I am not, something I could never be - loved - and this impossibility haunts me now. I feel insane, never learning the lesson I've been taught over and over again, not taking back to-heart what I knew 5 years ago. I can't seem to shake these notions, to get these things out of my head and my heart and it is slowly killing me, I suspect. If I could just go back... and never start thinking there was a chance... if I could just go back.
I'm not used to regret - not of this sort - usually I make a point of carrying myself in such a way that it doesn't happen - that I do not come to regret what I have done but this...
What gets me the most is that what i thought I had found was never real but, regardless, it haunts me and it makes me want.



There is beauty in the world
If you seek it out
There is joyous wonder in the world
Let's seek it out
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWGVRx…


Metal Gear Solid: G. Sviridov & Tappi Iwase, Rika Muranaka ~Aoife Ni Fhearraigh
The Best is Yet to Come ~Gaelic</u>

Do you remember love
The heartbreak of love?
Nothing now but music of the night
I am forever in love

A lover with a fault
A lover with a fault

Allow it and you will have it
Allow it and love will be

Do you remember the time
When you were satisfied?
Do you remember the time
When you were laughing?

The world is wonderful
if you believe in it
Turn your face towards life
and constant happiness in our midst

What happened to those days?
What happened to those nights?
Do you remember the time
When you were sorrowful?

Do you remember the time
Forever crying tears?
Was it me or you at fault?

Feeling used and lost
Why the fighting and
crying of tears?

There is beauty in the world
If you seek it out
There is joyous wonder in the world
Let's seek it out
  • Mood: Adoration
  • Listening to: Angels
  • Reading: Minds
  • Watching: Dreams
  • Playing: Complexities
  • Eating: Thought
  • Drinking: Wisdom

deviantID

DogmaticKerr
Charles Kerr
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Interests

Journal History

Groups

This user is not currently part of any groups.

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:icontatehemlock:
tatehemlock Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Professional Photographer
Thanks for the faves!
Reply
:iconlethalkitten:
LethalKitten Featured By Owner 2 days ago
Thanks for the fav!
Reply
:iconzuzuturkova:
ZuzuTurkova Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you so much for the fav! :)
Hat is always good choice by ZuzuTurkova

If you want, please follow me on INSTA: instagram.com/zuzuturkova/
Reply
:iconhelmitaivas:
helmitaivas Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Student
Thanks for the watch Heart La la la la 
Reply
:iconsaraformosa:
SaraFormosa Featured By Owner 3 days ago   General Artist
*.*Lovely Shoujo Emoji (Senpai notice me) [V3] OMG thanks a lot for WATCH, llama all favs!Chili Anime Emoji (Snuggy hug) [V2]  I'm really appreciatedNeko Emoji-42 (Kawaii Moe Smile) [V3] 
Reply
:iconsaraformosa:
SaraFormosa Featured By Owner 3 days ago   General Artist
Thanks so much for the favorite :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconchiandra4u:
ChIandra4U Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks !!
Reply
:iconlorelei-cha:
Lorelei-Cha Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the watch and favs - I hope my pictures will make your world a little bit happier.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconloopol:
Loopol Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the :+fav:   :thanks:
Reply
:iconlife-takers-crayons:
Life-takers-crayons Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2015
Thank you for faving :)
Reply
:iconillustrisdesigns:
illustrisdesigns Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Hi Charles thanks for the fave of my latest suncatcher with Phoenix! The support is awsome!Hug 
Reply
:iconbikeboypunk:
BikeBoyPunk Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Hi there and thanks for the faves :+fav: it's most appreciated :)
Reply
:iconscarlet-fitzm:
Scarlet-FitzM Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for another fav! :)
Reply
:iconyama-dharma:
yama-dharma Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Haloha! :)

Thanks for all thse favs! Always great to see people liking my stuff!

M
Reply
:iconaripideplumb:
AripiDePlumb Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for your favs! :)
Reply
:iconnaeviss:
Naeviss Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
- by Naeviss
Reply
:iconmt-photografien:
MT-Photografien Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
thanks for the faves Cheers fella white-wine (party)
Reply
:iconultimate-psycho:
Ultimate-Psycho Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
:iconthnxplz:
Reply
:iconmt-photografien:
MT-Photografien Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
thanks for the faves Cheers fella white-wine (party)
Reply
:iconxlocky:
xLocky Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the fav!
Reply
:iconmt-photografien:
MT-Photografien Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
thanks for the fave Cheers fella white-wine (party)
Reply
:iconda-hazard:
da-hazard Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for adding my Distant Love to your Favourites! I really appreciate it ^^

Distant Love by da-hazard
Reply
:iconmadlynx:
madlynx Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2015   Photographer

:icongrin--plz::iconfaveplz: Au Revoir by madlynx

 GLAD you LIKE It!

Have a Great Week  :peace:&:love::sun:  8-)                      

Reply
:iconlethalkitten:
LethalKitten Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2015
thanks for the fav :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmugenar:
MugenAR Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the Faves =D
Reply
(1 Reply)
Add a Comment: